“Remember the Truth”

By Bella Durgin-Johnson, Staff Writer for UNSUGARCOATED Media

May 4,2021

Episode 53 of UNSUGARCOATED with Aalia, award nominated host Aalia Lanius and UNSUGARCOATED Media publicity intern Sarah Jayne Johnson have an authentic discussion about narcissism with Erica Lauren, a true modern-renaissance women, trauma recovery coach, and brain-spotting therapist with specializations in narcissistic abuse recovery. She created her practice in order to help the victims of the disordered and to assist clients in reinventing themselves after intense emotional abuse. 

For a long time, Lauren wanted to be a neurologist. She later began working in pharmaceuticals, which took her very far. However, after several neck injuries she entered the entertainment field, particularly the music end.

However, after she had several traumatic events in the entertainment industry, she went into trauma therapy to help deal with the emotional issues she had been facing.

“As I went through this journey I joined support groups, I became a mentor, I started training with some of the premiere thought leaders in narcissism, and I realized there is a hole in the marketplace for this,” said Lauren.

Lauren also particularly noticed that the pandemic and quarantine had increased trauma as a result of individuals being kept in close contact with the narcissists in their own life. Lauen put her “pain into purpose” and got certified as a coach, now having a multitude of clients and a waitlist as well. 

Aalia Lanius, who has dealt with the emotional trauma of narcissism herself, dives into the misconceptions associated with narcissism with Lauren.

Lauren discusses how there are narcissistic traits that we are all born with that are healthy for all individuals to have, then there is sociopathic and pathological narcissists. A true narcissist who lacks primary needs growing up loses empathy, sympathy, and kindness as an adult, only being concerned for themselves.

Lanius responds mentioning how she herself believes that parents can create an environment for a narcissist to grow up. Even if it’s not always purposeful, parents with busy careers can often have a harder time providing children with the necessary emotional attention growing up.

Although it can be hard to help those with NPD, it’s important to help those who have suffered emotional abuse, says Lauren. “I am trying to get as many people as I can and get their self worth, self esteem, and self love at the maximum amount because that truly is the vaccine to narcissism.”

Lanius further pints out how there are so many environments in which a person may have to deal with a narcissist, including family, friends, relationships, and the work environment.

Lauren responds with common red flags of the narcissist personality, including feeling “off center”, the “narcissist gaze”, predatory behavior, and associated intuition as well.

Sarah Jayne Johnson speaks about how she has had to deal with narcissistic relationships and how they have been draining experiences, particularly for her generous and empathetic personality type. Lauren has helped her navigate lots of these confusing and trying experiences as well. 

Lanius turns the conversation to her own family, particularly her teenage kids and helping them navigate these emotionally vital years with narcissistic family members, which Lauren provides a variety of suggestions too. 

“When you’re gaslit constantly, you’re so disoriented that you no longer trust the basics with yourself. That is what they’re so good at,” said Lauren.

The conversation next turns to “Trauma Bonds”, otherwise known as the “Narcissists’ Heroine”. A trauma bond is similar to Stockholm syndrome, where the abused falls in love with the abuser, powered by the intermitedness of being cruel and kind. The victim in a narcissistic personality not only develops a chemical addiction, but waits day by day for the love from their abuser that they crave.

Lauren discusses her own childhood and how this determined her early dating life and attraction towards narcissistic personalities. Lauren still has love and care for her old emotional relationships, but made a conscious choice to no longer be sad and find a new path for herself and her relationships. 

“I think what finally did it was the pandemic. I really had to sit with myself and step up the trauma work,” said Lauren.

Johnson pulls addiction into the conversation, particularly the complicated relationship of narcissism and addiction. 

“It is very common that narcissists become addicts.Some recover with success, however if they are on the high side of the spectrum, they get bored and have a hard time following through with treatment,” said Lauren. “The focus needs to be on treating the survivors.”

Lauren discusses how easy self blame can be, as well as how easy it can be to push aside the pain. She emphasizes how  important it is to remind yourself and hold on to the negative aspects of the relationship so that you may change yourself and heal yourself.

“You will learn to trust yourself and learn to choose who is right for you and who isn’t,” said Lauren. 

To hear more from Erica and Aalia’s discussion on narcissism, therapy, recovery, and emotional trauma, check out the FULL episode to check out this conversation that explores this topic UNSUGARCOATED! 

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To learn more about Erica Lauren on Instagram

For more information on UNSUGARCOATED Media or your award-winning host, go to www.UnsugarcoatedMedia.com  and on Instagram To stay connected with Aalia on IG: @aalia_unsugarcoated on Clubhouse